All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's the barista slut.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
