You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
