If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
