My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
