we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
