And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
