Whod you bang
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
