I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
