Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
