I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
