a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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