I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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