Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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