We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
