just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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