I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm passing your future prison.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
