Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm at about main and main street
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
