Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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