I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
