he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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