Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
what day is it and did you see me today?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
