he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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