I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
