i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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