well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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