Dude my mom stole all your condoms
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
