wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
