I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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