I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
