i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
