At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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