we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize