So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
