Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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