see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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