Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
