She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize