Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
