why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
