After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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