We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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