So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
