dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
