Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
