I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
