LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
