She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize