i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
