On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
