i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize