Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
