The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
