I love black thongs
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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