wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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