So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
