I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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