I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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