her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
