i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
