my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
