I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
