wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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