i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
