I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
