mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
