i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
