Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
