I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
