i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
