now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
