Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
