Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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