im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
