Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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