I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
