you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize