I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
