Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
