I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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