is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
