She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
