Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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