you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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