my mouth tastes like poor choices
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
