I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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