my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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