she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
