I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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