tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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