my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize