Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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