You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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