Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize