just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
