Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have already put on my inside pants.
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