Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
