You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
