oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
