Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
