Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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