The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
