I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize