Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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