did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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