how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Floor bacon is actually really good
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
